The Game: The Game that fooled them all, even me.

Sit down, have some chips, maybe a beer get comfortable or grab some hard alcohol cause you may feel you need it after reading this. Just kidding don’t do that, I promise this blog post ends well. Just imagine this. Imagine playing a game with no rules, you were never given any instructions, we start the game at GO and hope to play it right, yet we never know if we can even win the game. I welcome you fellow pawn to the Game of Life. The game of life began without you having a say. One day you were born on this earth to figure out all your own shit. Congrats! 

I can picture what your face looks like right now. Still have a lot to figure out huh?

I did the college thing, got on the deans list, did the “perfect” relationship thing, got the high paying salary, did the manager then became the owner of my own business thing. I tried to kiss peoples ass along the way. But they still were never fully happy with me.

I went along with the game of life. But I had a ton of drive and ambition, I just made it! But where exactly did I make it too?

To a whole lot of stress, anxiety and depression. Sounds like I am winning doesn’t it? 

Oh yes.. when I thought I was on top of the world winning the game. But I was actually the player who never wins or loses. I was in the circle of trying to win for everyone else and was too afraid to ever lose the game because I would feel alone. And boy was I terrified of being alone.

I don’t want to say these things were a huge mistake in my life. I ended up learning the hard way. And it’s okay, we all have and all will. But maybe this blog can help you re-think what happiness really means to you in the game called life. Winning it may not be your answer. But discovering what to do with the cards you were dealt may change your entire world for the better.

Some friends and family would say no Addie you have always done great! You have achieved and seen so much. And I did in a lot of ways. I had a lot of fun running my company, met a lot of new people, formed long term connections, became a lead actress in a musical production, I was one of the top 25 people chosen for Disney out of thousands of people who auditioned, ended up working for Disney + on a film set, built brands that lead to 600,000+ new followers in under 6 months, always had a boyfriend in my life that cared about me, a loving family all at the ages of 21-26… the list goes on. But there was a huge part of me missing.

A lot of people in my life told me I would never achieve a lot of my bigger life goals. If you have people you care about who doubt you in your life and you give them no reason too, I am sorry no one deserves this treatment. Those people just do not know any better.

This treatment lead to my over the top ambition to prove all those people wrong. And you know, I did prove them wrong! This is where you give me a great big round of applause. Woohoo! Go Addie! I rubbed in it their face. Look at all you who doubted me? I made it! I played the Game. I made it to success! (I stubble over my words, still feeling unworthy of any compliment).

Then you can already guess as reality set in, and life threw cards in my face. I lost my job, my business was falling apart, my relationship crashed, people I loved died in the most random tragic ways, family was focused on themselves. I lost so much of everything I built. I forgot who I even was. But I am not sure I really knew who I was in the first place.

My sanity, my ambition, my drive vanished. Living my life was a dark hole of depression, anger, loss and trauma.

There was a deep part within me, I think it was the love for myself. The love I gave to others, I finally gave to me. I had mentors and random people that came into my life during this dark time and reminded me my world does not have to revolve around this game if I don’t want it too. The game everyone is told if they play it right it will lead to a happy life.

I ended up re-defining myself completely. I am on my own personal self discovery and it has nothing to do with anyone else. I just hope to inspire those who also want to get on this self discovery journey and play the game exactly how YOU want to play it.